One Month

It's been one month since what was one of the most emotional days of my life. One month since my faith in my fellow countrypeople, my faith in what is right and good, was totally shattered into a million pieces.

The morning after, my bestfriend from England facetimed me. I had been crying, so I composed myself before answering. As soon as I saw him, holding his puppy, with his husband standing behind him, looking grim, I burst into tears. They started crying. They don't even live here. But talking to them helped. I was inundated  with texts all day, all saying the same thing: what the fuck? People I hadn't talked to in a while texted me. That evening, my friend came over, we opened a bottle of wine, we cried. We went out to eat, and you could hear snippets of conversation around us: "Hillary."

I struggled. I couldn't go very long without bursting into tears the first few days after the election. Fear had overtaken. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what will happen to immigrants. Fear of what will happen to so many of my friends who are gay. Fear of what will happen to my rights as a woman. Fear of what will happen because I supported Hillary. I realized the last time I had felt like that was on September 11. And I thought "I survived."

Then, something snapped in me. What good would wallowing do? None.

So I've been concentrating on self care.

I haven't turned on the national news in one month. I haven't watched the Today Show in one month. I've read headlines, and made a choice whether or not to read the article. If I am watching something and DT comes on, I change the channel. I started going back to acupuncture. I started giving more reiki. I poured myself glasses of wine, just one, maybe 2, not a lot. When I was in the check out line at Target, I looked for People magazine to turn around- and I smiled when I saw someone had already done it. I started spending more time with friends and family.

And although my fear is still there, it no longer consumes me.

I'm keeping myself informed, feeling horror with each person he nominates to his cabinet. I sign petitions, I look into what groups I can join when I'm ready to join in the fight. Right now I'm not ready. I know I will be. But I need to heal before I can move on and fight. And I know I am luckier than most. I'm a white female. 2nd on the rung. I live in Massachusetts. The only state in the Union where every single county voted for Hillary. Where we have a state run health care system. Where we have State Police who have openly said they will not support deportation. Where women's health care centers are aplenty. Where we were the first state to legalize same-sex marriage. I'm in a bubble, but I thank God I am. Because even in this bubble, there is hate. There was antisemitic graffiti just a couple of miles away from my house. My house was "egged" (with paint balls) because I had a Clinton sign. But I know compared to what is going on in other states, that is all tame.

I said to my therapist 2 days after the election- it feels like either someone died, or I was going to marry this great guy, and the day before the wedding, I was told "no, sorry, you can't marry him, you have to marry his disgusting, misogynistic, racist, abusive older brother and you have no choice." So here I am. Complacent for now, but planning on how the hell to get out of this and survive without too many bruises.

And the fact that Hillary's popular vote margin keeps getting wider gives me hope. It gives me hope that this country that ripped me open and tore out my heart really isn't as evil as I thought. And maybe, just maybe, we can get through this. Because, after all, we are Stronger Together.

the day after.

I am broken.
I am devastated.

And I cannot stop crying.

Overwhelmed

I feel like I can't keep up with this election. My podcast list is overflowing with new political podcasts, the internet is bursting with new articles, and the breaking news on tv seems non-stop. So the blog seems nearly impossible to keep up with all that is going on.

Several women have now come forward to say they were sexually assaulted/harassed by Donald Trump. His response? LIES ALL LIES. Apparently only women who were sexually assaulted/harassed by Bill Clinton could possibly be telling the truth. Trump claimed he had evidence to prove this women were lying. His evidence? There is none.

Today my friend Anna sent me a text with a link to this article: Donald Trump Calls for Drug Test Ahead of Next Debate. Quite frankly you don't have to read the article to get where he is going with this. He thinks that Hillary has been "getting pumped up" with performance enhancing drugs before the debates. I burst into laughter when I read this. My response to my friend's text was simply "Un. Hinged." My favorite response to this outrageous claim?

If there is some performance enhancing drug that gives you decades of commanding policy experience I too would like a hit

— Andy Cobb (@AndyCobb) October 15, 2016

 100%. Give me some of that shit, too.

I can't even get into the mess that is his Twitter account.
Time Magazine really summed up the past week very eloquently:

 Total Meltdown.
There really is no other phrase for it.

Meanwhile, I somehow missed this powerful article in the NY Times last Sunday: Shakespeare Explains the 2016 Election.   The whole article discusses Richard III, and why Shakespeare sat down to write a play that discussed the question "How could a great country wind up being governed by a sociopath?" The last line in the article is what gave me the most pause: "Do not think it cannot happen, and do not stay silent or waste your vote."  Do not think it cannot happen. As Brexit taught us, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable can happen.

Can we please all work together to make sure it does not?

Comic relief:

No, I won't give up, no I won't give in, till I reach the end, I'm gonna try! 💥💪 #cobeetryeverything #gocobeego @puppystagrams @petsvideo @corgistagram @babyanimalstagram

A video posted by Cobee The Corgi (@cobeethecorgi) on Oct 5, 2016 at 8:13am PDT

You Can Do Anything

When the Trump Tape was released on Friday evening, I sat and watched it, my eyes popping out of their sockets.  His use of the word "pussy" is not what bothered me. It was when he said "And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything."  This is proof of the rape culture we live in. If indeed this is "locker room banter" THAT IS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM! This shouldn't be, and cannot be how men talk about women. Trump's excuse that it is "locker room banter" just makes me even matter. This is NOT how men should be talking about women, anywhere! Every single man I know has said he has never heard anyone talk like that in a locker room. Every single man I am close to also loathes Donald Trump and thinks he is a pig. Because I refuse to surround myself with men who treat women like that.  While I am lucky and would easily tell off a man who ever spoke to me in such a demeaning manner (thanks to 3 brothers who taught me not to take shit from anyone), I know most women would just take it.  I have a friend who spent the day on Saturday crying because watching that video brought up a lot of repressed emotion in regards to men's behavior towards her.  We need to start showing our boys that it is not ok to talk like this about women ANYWHERE.
I keep wondering who is supporting this guy? Then I saw this video. And it all became so, so clear.

Some of my favorite articles from the weekend:

Boston Globe:  
The misogynist in full

NY Times:
Donald Goes to the Dogs


Some of my favorite tweets:

After the tape was released:

All I'm saying is if Billy Bush deleted his Twitter maybe Trump really is making America great again.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 7, 2016

Well he's not always wrong. https://t.co/DvgXtxj6Dv

— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) October 8, 2016

I feel like many men think women go everywhere in pairs because we like to talk a lot.

That's not why.

— Laura Silverman (@LJSilverman1) October 8, 2016

During the debate (and just before with his publicity stunt):

This is all starting to feel like the finale on a reality TV show.

— Matt Viser (@mviser) October 9, 2016

1998: "Paula Jones is a loser. But the fact is, she may be responsible for bringing down a president indirectly." pic.twitter.com/VOSQo2bYAX

— Lauren Werner (@LaurenWern) October 8, 2016

Exclusive video of Donald Trump backstage at the debate: pic.twitter.com/AqGaqzfeFR

— Angelo Carusone (@GoAngelo) October 10, 2016

#DonaldTrump clearly did his #debate prep tonight... on the comment threads of YouTube.

— Karl Frisch (@KarlFrisch) October 10, 2016

I'm a Muslim, and I would like to report a crazy man threatening a woman on a stage in Missouri. #debate

— Moustafa Bayoumi (@BayoumiMoustafa) October 10, 2016

watching this as a woman is so emotionally difficult because we've all been belittled like this by a male moron and had to take it #debate

— Claire Fallon (@ClaireEFallon) October 10, 2016

At times, I don't now if I'm watching Alec Baldwin or Donald Trump at this #debate

— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) October 10, 2016

Meet Mike Pence

From Planned Parenthood:

Attention: WOMEN

How could any woman vote for him? Seriously. If you respect yourself, or respect  any woman, you cannot, cannot vote for this man.

Trump Supporters

I was at a family event this weekend when, inevitably the election came up. The group I was sitting with were all anti trump (I can't say for sure they were all pro-Hillary, but definitely all anti-Trump). I quickly looked around, knowing that there were people at the party who are pro-Trump. I quickly shushed the group, quietly letting them know that there were Trump supporters lurking around. Quite frankly, I did not want to get into some big, heated debate at my father's 70th birthday party. (My father, for the record, a life-long un-enrolled party voter, loathes Trump).  I eventually got up because the subject of Trump gets me all riled up, and by the time I came back into the room, the subject had changed. A friend of mine shared this article stating 7 things you know about a person when they say they are a Trump supporter, from the Daily Kos with me. I don't think that EVERY Trump supporter has every single one of these traits, but they certainly have at least one or two. And I am sure some have all (the Trump supporter at the party definitely is not all of them).


Here's a little something for all of you who think Gary Johnson is a serious candidate (spoiler alert: he's not):