while we breathe, we hope

ok.

I have posted things since the victory, but not my reaction. I needed time. I have been walking around in a daze since Tuesday night. Oh. My. God. I still can't believe it.

I was at my friend Naila's, there were tons of people there, in the lounge of her apartment building. I had a few glasses of wine in me, and I was feeling good, but still, I knew with the voter fraud from the past, I couldn't get too cocky. The first states called were not surprises: Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut. Nothing surprising. At 9:20, someone at the party got a phone call from her brother saying that FOX NEWS was reporting Ohio went to Obama. We were all abuzz, I called Jess to see if she knew anything - she didn't. Then, MSNBC announced it. Ohio was Obama's. For the first time, I really truly thought "Oh my god, we can win." But still, in the back of my mind, I wasnt 100%. 2000 screwed me up forever, as did growing up a Red Sox fan - it took them 86 years, so maybe in the back of my head i was htinking it would take that long for the dems to win.

At one point, Chuck Todd did an analysis on what states McCain would have to win in order to be the next president. With his little fingers, he highlighted states red, and went West on the map. As he went along, he made states like Colorado red, saying "let's just SAY he gets Colorado..." and concluded "it doesnt look good, he would virtually have to win every state left.." I still didn't let myself get TOO excited. At 10:59, suddenly, at the bottom of the screen (at this point we were on CNN), we saw them flash the Virginia results (previously undeclared) with a check next to Obamas name. We started buzzing. They announced it, and i saw there was 52 seconds until the West coast polls closed. I said "oh my god. California. We are going to win. Oh my god." the countdown continued, and with 0 seconds, they flashed "breaking news" and the screen switched to Baracks face with "projected winner" next to his name. The room went crazy, i jumped out of my seat, screaming and crying. I immediately called my parents - and just started yelling my dad said "palin headquarters" but all i could say was "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!" and screaming. My mom in the background was yelling. then we said goodbye, and i called Jess, again, screaming and crying. And, i was shaking. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, my legs were shaking. We won. After 8 years of frustration. We won. And not only did we win, but it was a black man who could do it. Everyone was crying. I then called Katie. But my call couldnt go through. I tried Adrian, same thing. The lines were jammed. Everyone was calling their families and friends. I was hugging people... it was amazing. I sent some texts because that was all i could do. A few minutes later the headline on the TV said "McCain calls Obama to concede." It was unbelievable. 11pm, and it was decided.
At first I said i would leave at 10, but then Ohio was called, so I couldnt. Then I said 11, but he won, so I couldnt. So i stayed for the speeches.

McCain was good. The best he has been for months. When he thanked Sarah Palin, I said "YES!!! THANK YOU SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!!" and everyone erupted in agreement. I felt bad for him, this was his only chance. But not bad enough.

Then came Barack's speech. First, he came onto the stage. I got weepy. Then he started speaking. I was sobbing. He goddamn won. We had our first black president. We have a liberal. We have someone who speaks from his heart, who thinks with his own brain. And the speech proved it. The puppy, talking about his grandmother, the 106 year old woman, the Lincoln references... Oh. My. God. I was a basket case. When he finished, his family came out again, along with the Bidens. Oh, Joe. I said "Joe! show us those pearly whites because we won't be seeing them for a long time once you go to your undisclosed location!"

We did it.

Yes, we did.

I took a cab home that night, and couldnt contain myself "IT"S A GOOD NIGHT FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!!" i said to my cabbie, a foreigner. He couldnt help himself, and smiled. We talked about it the whole ride. I gave him a $10 tip. He said "don't worry, everything will be ok, youre right, it is a wonderful night for america, don't lose hope, you are a beautiful person and soul."

Thanks, cabbie.

I walked into my apartment, still with this feeling of surreal, i walked into my room, and started laughing. hysterically. Just laughing. I have never had that feeling before, and I dont know if I ever will. It was a landslide.

I spent a little while longer online, updating this, writing a few messages on facebook, scouring CNN, watching Al Franken's race... and smiling.

I woke up yesterday morning and immediately put on the tv. I had to make sure it wasnt a dream, that it wasnt taken away in the middle of the night. It was real.
I only had 5.5 hours of sleep, but it didn't matter. I was wide awake. Walking on the streets of New York, the air seemed lighter, lifted. I tried to catch people's eye and share something with them, but New Yorkers hadn't changed THAT much overnight!

I talked to my mom in the morning, when I was a bit more subdued than the night before. She said she can't believe she remembers Blacks not being able to vote, JFK winning, and now, Barack. She said she was happy and excited when JFK won, but she was in Junior High, so it wasn't like this for her. Unbelievable.

Today I was watching the news and there was a photo of him with "president elect" next to the photo, and I started laughing. I dont know when this feeling will subside. I hope it never does.

Finally, after years of dread, years of worry, years of frustration, I have a feeling of hope, of peace, of happiness.

Yes, we can. Yes we did.

Thank you, America.

Now let's work on getting rights for gay couples. THe one true disappointment of the night.